MWT 2007: Misting 9: Love Machine
by Billie Marie
Summary: In the 9th fan fic of the MWT series, a friendship is falling apart and Sean presents the readers and our heroes with his solution for his problem with Serpentina. A fan fic is sent to our heroes that parodies Sean’s solution.
1. Intro

**Title: **

**Mystery Wrestling Theater 2007: **

**Misting #9: Love Machine**

**Rated: Suitable for mature teens and older **

**Summary: In the 9****th**** fan fic of the MWT series, a friendship is falling apart and Sean presents the readers and our heroes with his solution for his problem with Serpentina. A fan fic is sent to our heroes that parodies Sean's solution. **

**As always, thanks to those who have read my fan fics. I really appreciate all the feedback. I felt really silly because when I submitted my last fan fic, I accidentally sent it twice. I believe both are exactly the same…I hope. That's what happens when you write late at night.**

**Recap: In the last fic, our heroes returned after a fifteen day vacation. A glitch in Vince's transporter resulted in Shane being in a woman's body, Shawn and Bret being in each other's bodies, and Hunter and Sean being in each other's bodies. The fan fic our heroes read featured Hunter betraying Shawn.**

**Characters: Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Sean Waltman, Serpentina, and Vince McMahon.**

**Time in this fic: It is the day after our heroes read 'The Most Messed Up Wrestling Show Ever' fan fic. On Earth, the date is approximately July 27****th****, 2007. **

**Yeah, the next part is basically the same as usual. Repetitive, don't you think?**

**Sources: I do not own any of the wrestlers or Vince or his children. I don't own the characters or the concept from Mystery Science Theater. The only original character in the series is Marie, Vince's hired writer and finder of awful spams and fan fics. Occasionally, one of Marie's friends writes the fan fics.**

**I also am not the person who came up with the concept of mixing wrestling and Mystery Science Theater. My inspiration is Amanda Stevens who came up with the wonderful cast of misters that I am currently using. **

**Format: The chapters are done in script form. Actions will be in (). The name of the character talking will be bold. Parts from posts will be in italics.**

**Enjoy!**


	2. Ch 1: Betrayal, Conflict And Excitement

Time: The next day after our heroes read 'The Most Messed Up Wrestling Show Ever' fan fic. On Earth, it's approximately July 27th, 2007.

Bret sat at the kitchen table. He'd just finished eating breakfast and was currently reading a Calgary Sun newspaper and drinking a cup of coffee. The paper was just one of the many that had built up at his Calgary home during his first stay on the SOD. During his vacation, he'd read through the papers that were dated January and February and had begun the March ones. The paper in his was from March. He'd taken a whole suitcase of newspapers onto the Satellite. Although the papers were old, they reminded him of home.

Bret was trying to enjoy his paper, but, aside from ordinary breakfast noises, the kitchen was too quiet. Too quiet…considering that DX was sitting at the table with him.

Shawn sat on Bret's left. He'd just finished eating all the cereal from his bowl, and at the moment, was looking down at the bowl. He was also stirring the remaining milk around, creating the annoying noise that is heard whenever silverware scrapes ceramics.

Hunter sat on Bret's right, directly across from Shawn. Hunter was looking at Shawn and chewing on toast that he barely tasted before swallowing. Meanwhile, Shawn kept on just scraping his bowl with his spoon…making that noise. That noise irritated Hunter. It irritated him so much that Hunter broke the verbal silence.

**Hunter: **Shawn…(Shawn didn't look up) Shawn…could you please stop that?

At Hunter's request, Shawn stopped scraping his spoon. Shawn then lifted his head, but only enough so that Hunter was able to see his angry blue eyes.

Then, Shawn lowered his head back down. He started scraping his bowl with his spoon again. It seemed that he was doing it louder and more purposefully.

**Hunter: **Shawn…(he looked to Bret, who was still reading his paper)

Bret, though seemingly occupied with his paper, had watched what was going on between DX. He also knew that Hunter was looking at him with a 'help me' expression on his face.

**Bret: **(moved his paper just enough in order to look Hunter in the eye) Leave me out of this. (he moved his paper back to its original position in order to hide his face)

**Hunter: **(trying once more to reach Shawn) I asked you nicely Shawn to stop doing that.

This time Shawn put down his spoon. He sat up straight and looked over to Bret.

**Shawn: **Bret…

**Bret: **(moved his paper just enough so that he could look at Shawn)

**Shawn: **Could you please ask the person on your right for the orange juice?

**Bret: **(sighs and looks to Hunter) Could you…

**Hunter: **(snapping) I heard him. (he couldn't help but think, 'Of all the immature things to do…)

Hunter passed the pitcher of orange juice across the table to Shawn.

However, Shawn refused to take it, and instead, he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

**Shawn: **I want you to pass it to Bret, who will pass it to me.

**Bret: **(moving his paper down to look at Shawn) I will?

**Hunter: **What the hell Shawn? Take the damn juice.

**Shawn: **No.

**Hunter: **Why?

**Shawn: **Because I'm angry with you.

**Hunter: **So angry that you're acting like a child.

**Shawn:** After what you did you're lucky I'm even talking to you.

**Hunter:** Shawn, I want to talk about this. I want you to understand.

**Shawn:** What is there to understand? As far as I can see it, you did the equivalent of what your fan fic character did to mine yesterday.

**Hunter:** That analogy is a little extreme, don't you think?

**Shawn:** Not after what you did.

**Hunter:** You're overreacting.

**Shawn:** (uncrossing his arms) I am not. You stabbed me in the back and then you couldn't face me.

**Hunter:** I couldn't face you because I was worried that you would react…kind of the way you're reacting now. And this situation wouldn't even have come up if you hadn't gone through my room in the first place.

**Shawn:** (leaning closer to the table) Well I wouldn't have gone through your room if I hadn't felt that you were hiding something from me. Which, you were.

**Hunter:** I only did so because I wanted to preserve our friendship.

**Shawn:** What friendship? (although he tried to hold back his feelings, Hunter looked hurt by this comment) Friendship is based on trust and right now, I don't trust you.

**Hunter:** I'm really sorry for that…

**Shawn:** I don't want to hear it Hunter. It would be best if you and I don't say anything to each other for a couple of days. I don't even want to see you.

For a moment, no one spoke.

**Hunter:** So…are you leaving?

**Shawn:** Leaving?

**Hunter:** Leaving the kitchen? So that you don't have to see me right now.

**Shawn:** (standing up) If anyone should leave the kitchen, it's you.

**Hunter:** Why?

**Shawn:** Because I was sitting in here long before you came in.

**Hunter:** (standing up) Long before? You were just sitting down with I entered.

**Shawn:** I was still here before you.

**Hunter:** Well, I'm not leaving.

**Shawn:** Oh yes you are.

**Hunter:** No I'm not.

**Shawn:** Yes you…

**Bret:** (slamming his paper down on the table as hard as possible and talking in a stern voice) That's enough!

Both members of DX looked at Bret and sat back down in their chairs. Shawn and Hunter had actually forgotten that Bret was there.

Bret looked away from DX and then saw that the Satellite's cameras were recording.

**Bret:** (to the main camera) Oh…hi.

**Hunter: **(to Bret) So, how long do you think the camera's been recording?

**Bret: **Most likely they've been recording since you and Shawn began your lover's quarrel.

**Hunter: **Hey!

**Bret: **Certainly seemed to me that that's what was going on.

**Shawn: **If I were gay, Hunter would be the last man that I would be with.

**Hunter: **You're only saying that right now because you're upset.

**Shawn: **What's that supposed to mean?

**Hunter: **I mean that you're upset and you don't know what you're saying.

**Shawn: **I know perfectly well what I'm saying.

**Hunter: **(to Bret) He doesn't really know what he's saying.

**Shawn:** I do. You backstabbing, power hungry son of a…

**Bret: **(admonishing) Shawn…(Shawn looks at him) Before you say something very un-Christian…maybe we should talk about this…calmly.

**Shawn: **I don't want to talk.

**Hunter: **You're wasting your breath Bret.

**Bret: **At least, would you two mind explaining why you're ready to throw your friendship out the window…because I'm sure our viewers are scratching their heads trying to figure out what's going on right now.

**Shawn: **I'd love to explain.

**Hunter: **You'll talk to the audience and not to me?

**Shawn: **I already know that the viewing audience is full of underhanded people that would stab their best friend in the back. (Hunter is speechless as Shawn looks into the camera) Well, this whole situation began…it began yesterday morning actually, just as we were reading our fan fic…when I started getting the feeling that Hunter was hiding something from me. And I got that feeling when Vince and Shane kept bringing up something about a deal that Hunter had made, which they began talking about after Vince had given us the opportunity to get off the satellite sooner. Of course, to get off the satellite, we would have to be nice to Vince, which oddly Hunter was.

**Hunter:** I was not.

**Shawn: **(to Hunter) Don't interrupt. (continuing) Of course, if that wasn't enough, none of us were quite right when we were transported back to the satellite. As you know, I was in Bret's body; he was in mine and Hunter and Sean were in each others.

**Bret: **Luckily, Vince's men finally got the transporter working as it should.

**Shawn:** Yeah, three hours after we read yesterday's post. Anyway we, and Shane, were able to switch back. So after that fiasco, we all went our separate ways.

**Hunter: **And as I was working out in the gym…

**Shawn: **I chose that time to go into Hunter's room and see if I could find something that would let me know what Hunter was hiding. And I hit the jackpot.

**Hunter: **You went through the drawer of my writing desk.

**Shawn:** Where I found that you'd signed a new contract…with Vince. A contract that allows you to come back by Summerslam and participate at semi-main event status…with room to move up.

**Hunter: **I had my reasons for signing that…

**Shawn: **Yes, so that you could have your career back. And there were provisosin the contract. One, you…

**Hunter: **Wait, you memorized them?

**Shawn: **I knew it would come in handy. So, provision one was that you would be nicer to Vince. Two, that you would influence the rest of us to be nice to Vince.

**Hunter: **Like I stuck to those provisos.

**Shawn: **Three, that you would stop insulting Shane…which you did.

**Hunter: **After he reminded me that it was a proviso in my contract.

**Shawn: **And finally, that when you returned to RAW, that you would follow every storyline that Vince planned, no matter how stupid, unbelievable, or degrading it was.

**Hunter: **Don't you want to know exactly why I did it?

**Shawn: **I already know why. You did it for the glory…the money…the title...

**Hunter: **(interrupting loudly) Please…do you think Vince would give me the title? (calmer) I did it to see my wife and daughter more often…(Shawn was speechless) I had Vince promise me that if I did as he wished me to, that I would be allowed to see my family when he brought me to Earth for the wrestling shows. I need my family, Shawn.

**Shawn: **If you'd only told me about everything right from the start…

**Hunter: **I…I…

Suddenly, Sean comes into the kitchen. He interrupts Hunter.

**Sean: **(looking triumphant and overly enthusiastic) I've done it!

Everyone looked at Sean. Their serious faces told Sean that something was up.

**Sean:** Am I interrupting?

**Shawn: **No.** Hunter: **Yes.

**Sean: **(eyes Shawn and Hunter who'd just contradicted each other when they'd answered at the same time) Which is it?

**Bret: **Um…(changing the subject to avoid another DX argument) so Kid, what have you done?

**Sean: **I finished.

**Bret: **Finished what?

**Sean: **Remember how I working in the holoporter just before our vacation?

**Bret: **Barely.

**Sean: **Well yesterday, after we were put back into the right bodies, I reentered the holoporter to complete the work that I'd started…and now, I'm finished.

**Bret: **(between DX's arguments and Sean's vague ramblings, he was getting a headache) Finished with what?

**Sean: **That's what I want to show you. Come on.

Sean left the kitchen. After a moment, Bret, Shawn and Hunter followed him.

**Hunter: **Out of curiosity Kid, when was the last time you slept.

**Sean: **When I was knocked out by Vince's tranquilizers.

Hunter looked at Sean with concern. Due to his excitement, Sean doesn't notice.

Our heroes made their way to the holoporter. Outside the holoporter, they found Serpentina, who seemed to be waiting.

**Hunter:** (to Sean) What's your girlfriend doing here?

**Sean: **I asked her here. And she is not my girlfriend. After this, I hope she'll realize that.

Sean touched a panel with his hand, which triggered the holoporter door to unlock and open. Our heroes entered.

Before them was a metal table. A white sheet covered whatever was on the table. Tools and metal scraps were scattered around the holoporter.

**Hunter: **What is this, Kid?

**Shawn: **Why don't you just give him a chance to explain?

**Hunter: **I thought you weren't interested in other people's explanations.

**Shawn: **I am in the Kid's.

**Sean: **(now he knew something was up and it was something to do with DX) Thanks Shawn…I think.

**Bret: **So, what is all this Kid? I t looks like a mad scientist's lab.

**Sean: **I've almost felt like a mad scientist. I've been mad with trying to find a way to solve my problem with Serpentina…for both our sakes. (he came to Serpentina) Serpentina, you're a wonderful…girl…woman…but it just doesn't work between us. Do you understand what I'm saying?

**Serpentina:** (nodded at him sadly)

**Sean: **(to Serpentina) I'm hoping we can be friends. And as your friend, I have something to show to you.

Sean turned his back on Serpentina and went over to the metal work table. He removed the white sheet revealing to all a metallic creature, who's head was on the left end of the table, its tail on the right.

**Shawn:** Oh my God…

**Hunter: **You built another…you built another Serpentina?

**Sean: **Kind of. It's based on her design…but it's programmed to be male.

**Bret: **You built Serpentina a mate?

**Sean: **Yes.

Serpentina came to the table and began inspecting the creature on it. She was scanning it into her programming.

**Sean: **I think she's pleased with it.

**Hunter: **Yeah, but does it move?

**Sean: **Of course it moves.

**Shawn: **There you go, Hunter, doubting the Kid again.

**Hunter: **All I did was ask if the thing moved.

**Shawn: **You said what you said to demean what the Kid has done.

**Hunter: **First, don't use words you don't know the meaning of, and second, I was only voicing a concern. Serpentina is going to get bored if the thing on the table doesn't move.

**Shawn: **Like you were thinking about Serpentina. You were coming up with another way to insult the Kid. You never say anything positive about him.

**Hunter: **(upset that Shawn keeps starting arguments) I…I…

**Sean: **(to Bret) Did I miss something?

**Bret: **(remembering that the Kid had been in the holoporter when the problem between DX had began) Long story. I'll explain later.

**Shawn: **(reacting to Hunter's last attempt to speak) You…you…

**Hunter: **You are such a…

**Bret: **(admonishing) Hunter…(Hunter looks at him, as does Shawn) Before you say something that you'll regret, let's turn our attention back to the Kid. (he sighed, playing peace maker wasn't easy, then to Sean) Go on Kid, this is your moment. Don't let them (he gestured to DX) ruin it for you.

Sean nodded and went over to his creation. He switched as little lever up on the machine. Suddenly, the sound of a generator warming up was heard. The sound faded, and the machine started to move.

First, it opened its camera lens eye.

**Bret: **Does that camera work?

**Sean: **Yes, but unlike Serpentina's, it's not connected to Vince's controls. Vince can't use it to spy on us.

The machine's eye blinked, as it scanned its surroundings into the machine's memory unit. Then, the machine moved its neck to better scan everything around it. When the machine turned its head to its right, it saw Serpentina, who was taking in information on this new machine's movement patterns.

The new machine sat up. Still keeping its eye on Serpentina, it began to move its snake like body off of the work table. Once it had slithered to the ground, the new machine straightened its body, so that it reached a height of six feet.

Serpentina was an inch smaller. She and the new machine just stared at each other.

**Sean: **(who'd stepped up to the two machines) I think some introductions are in order. Serpentina, I'd like you to meet Snakoid. Snakoid, meet Serpentina.

**Hunter: **Snakoid?

**Sean: **He's a snake-like android. I thought the name was appropriate.

Serpentina leaned her head towards Snakoid, examining him very closely. After a minute or so, Snakoid leaned in and rubbed his metallic cheek against Serpentina's own.

Serpentina reacted by quickly retracting her head and coiling it close to her body.

**Sean: **(who'd come back to stand next to Bret) I think he surprised her.

**Bret: **You know I almost think that if she could, she'd be blushing right now.

**Sean: **(excited) You're right!

Snakoid had meanwhile moved closer to Serpentina. Serpentina slowly brought her head away from her body. She then stood straight up as she looked Snakoid over again.

Snakoid turned his head and at the same time gestured to the holoporter door. Serpentina nodded and together, they slithered to the door. The door opened for them and they made their exit.

**Shawn: **Where are they going?

**Sean: **My guess is that they're going somewhere to get better acquainted.

**Bret: **Strange…kind of sweet, but strange. (to Sean) You did it though.

**Sean: **(pleased with himself) I really did, didn't I? I think she'll be happier this way.

**Bret: **Yeah, she's with her own kind…whatever kind that is.

**Sean: **Yeah, I know.

**Bret: **You sound like you're almost going to miss her.

**Sean: **A little…

**Hunter: **Kid…

**Sean: **(knowing what Hunter is thinking) But not like that. It was just a new experience for me to be the center of someone's world. I don't get nearly that much attention from my own wife.

**Bret: **But it's for the best.

**Sean: **Yeah.

Just then, the satellite beeped in the annoyingly familiar way that signaled that Vince was contacting our heroes.

**All: **(groan)

End of Chapter 1

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this.

I enjoyed writing the arguments and the first meeting between Serpentina and Snakoid.


	3. Ch 2: A Word With Vince

Time: The next day after our heroes read 'The Most Messed Up Wrestling Show Ever'. On Earth, it's approximately July 27th, 2007.

Our heroes made their way into the den and stood before the television screen.

As expected, Vince's image appeared.

**Vince: **Gentlemen, you've had quite an interesting morning.

**Bret: **I suppose we have.

**Vince: **Hunter, you're really in the doghouse.

**Hunter: **Doghouse?

**Shawn: **That's a good way to put it.

**Sean: **Why? What did you do, Hunter?

**Hunter: **I signed a contract with Vince that allows me to come back to Earth in order to appear in WWE.

**Sean: **You what?

**Hunter: **And now Shawn is angry at me.

**Sean: **I don't blame him.

**Shawn: **See, the Kid even thinks that what you did was wrong.

**Sean: **Hell yes…how could you sell out to Vince?

**Hunter: **I didn't sell out…(off Sean's look) All right, maybe I did, but I did it for the right reasons.

**Bret: **He did it so that he could be with his family.

**Sean: **(to Bret) Just what do you think about this? Considering something similar happened to you.

**Hunter: **(to Bret) And Shawn acted way more selfish than me when he did what he did to you.

**Shawn: **(to Hunter) You put in a lot of thought to that plan you know.

**Hunter:** You were the one who wanted to do it originally.

**Bret: **Can we not relive Montreal, please? (pause) Back to the present, Hunter, I want you to know that I understand why you did what you did.

**Shawn & Sean: **You do?

**Bret: **(to Hunter) I miss my family too.

**Vince: **Maybe we should talk Bret.

**Bret: **(to Vince) Not enough to take you up on any of your offers…but Hunter…

**Hunter: **Yeah?

**Bret: **I think that you should have discussed this whole thing with us. We're a team.

**Shawn: **Are we?

**Bret: **After what we've been through together, I hope so. I really hope we can move past this.

**Vince: **I'm not so sure you can. As for you Kid…

**Sean: **Me, what did I do?

**Vince:** You went and did something without telling the others.

**Hunter: **(to Sean) That's right, you did.

**Shawn: **(to Hunter) Was it in the contract somewhere that you're supposed to turn against us?

**Hunter:** (to Shawn) Stop questioning everything I say.

**Shawn: **(to Hunter) Stop talking then.

**Bret: **(to DX) Please don't make me put you two in time out.

**Sean: **Getting back to what I did…I just did it so that I could solve the situation between me and Serpentina.

**Vince: **Do you think the others really wanted another android around?

**Sean: **(to Bret and DX) You guys don't mind, do you?

**Hunter: **It was already cramped enough on the satellite.

**Shawn: **I don't mind Kid. What you did was really nice.

**Hunter: **If not selfish...

**Shawn: **(glares at Hunter, about to say that Hunter's one to talk about being selfish)

**Bret: **(keeping Shawn from talking) We have room for your creation Kid…just in the future, let us know before you go creating anything else.

**Sean:** Okay.

**Vince: **You're safe for now Kid.

**Sean:** You're just upset because I ruined whatever you programmed into Serpentina…(Vince is speechless) it just proves that love is stronger than you.

**Bret: **(eyeing DX) I sure hope so.

**Vince: **Love can also be sick, as you will come to find out today.

**Bret: **Why?

**Vince: **Because the fan fic today deals with love…in a very sick way.

**Sean: **Care to elaborate?

**Vince: **Why don't you just see for yourselves? (his image disappeared from the screen)

**Sean: **(sarcastic) This should be fun. (looking first to DX and then to Bret) What about them?

**Bret: **(sighs, then to DX) Are you two done arguing?

Shawn and Hunter looked at each and then looked at Bret. They both shrugged their shoulders in response to Bret's question.

**Bret & Sean: **Separate seats.

Then the sirens went off signaling that it was time to head into the theater.

**Hunter: **(covering his ears) I haven't missed those.

For the first time that day, Shawn agreed with Hunter.

End of Chapter 2

Just what fan fic is being sent to torture our heroes, and will DX stop arguing long enough to get through it?

Continue reading to find out.


	4. Ch 3: Ever Lovin Machine

Time: The theater room on the Satellite Of Degenerates. Earth date: July 27, 2007.

After entering the theater room, our heroes made their way to their seats. Hunter, who'd led them in, took the seat farthest from the aisle. Sean sat next to him, and Bret sat next to Sean. Shawn took the seat on Bret's other side.

Nobody had said a word once they'd entered the theater and no one wanted to say anything now. And so…

The post began.

_5…4…3…2…1_

_Hello. How ya'll doin today?_

**Sean: **That's not Marie.

**Bret: **Not unless she suddenly developed a Southern accent.

_I'm Bobby._

**Sean: **A male writer…that's new.

**Bret: **But it's not any less frightening.

**Shawn: **(singing to the tune of My Bonnie Went Over The Ocean) Dear Bobby went into the ocean/ Dear Bobby went into the sea/ Dear Bobby went into the ocean/ Dear Bobby is now a drownee. (once he's done singing, he realizes that everyone, including Hunter, is looking at him with concerned expressions) I'm angry, what do you expect?

_I need to talk to someone. Someone who will listen. _

**Sean: **Try a priest.

_I can't tell my friends._

**Shawn: **Something tells me that if he's writing this to us that he doesn't have any friends.

**Hunter: **Or he has friends that he's afraid to confess things to because he fears that they won't understand. (Shawn looks over to him)

_They'd never understand._

**Hunter: **I knew it.

**Shawn: **Maybe if he'd been up front from the very beginning, he wouldn't have anything to fear.

**Bret: **(sighs) Overpersonalizing with the fan fic.

**Sean: **(to Bret) Boy, do you ever have your work cut out for you. (of course he was referring to how much work it would be keeping Shawn and Hunter from arguing)

**Bret: **Don't you mean **we**? (almost glaring at Sean) **We** have our work cut out for us.

**Sean: **(a little nervous) Yeah…we.

_In my search to find someone who would listen, I came across Marie's website,_

**Sean: **Marie has a website?

**Hunter: **That gives me some ideas. (he wanted to find that website and send some really nasty emails)

_where I found that she was lookin for writers. Not necesarily good writers, but writers who were willin to express themselves. She promised that readers would read. _

**Shawn: **Like we have a choice in the matter?

_And I cerntly needed to express myself._

_You see my friends,_

**Shawn: **(to the screen) We're not your friends.

**Bret: **(to the screen) We're just your helpless victims.

_not too long ago, I was took in by a girl._

**Sean: **Was took in? What is he, a stray animal?

**Bret: **Well he wasn't kidding when he said that Marie wasn't necessarily looking for good writers.

_She was breathtakingly beautiful with a twinkly eye._

**Sean: **So does that mean her other eye was dull?

**Hunter: **You're asking way too many questions Kid.

**Shawn: **(to Hunter) He's only asked two.

**Sean:** (to Bret) I'm starting to feel like a kid who's stuck in the middle of his parent's arguments.

_I really loved her. But I'm a restless type feller and I confess that I could be found at the bars for a few hours at least three nights a week._

**Hunter: **(as the author) And then I could be found in another woman's arms after the bar.

_And somehow, when I wasen't lookin, she run off with a more handsome guy._

**Hunter: **(to the author) More handsome than you? (sarcastic) No…couldn't be. And you heaped so much attention on her too.

_I tried not to let it get to me. I started goin to the bar five nights a week instead of three._

**Shawn: **So the fact that she left was getting to him.

**Bret: **At the rate he's going, his brain cells are going to leave him too.

**Hunter: **By the looks of it, they already have.

_I thought I'd start to feel better, but I wasen't. _

**Shawn: **Speaking from experience, alcohol doesn't solve anything.

**Sean: **You think this guy has a job?

**Bret: **Probably not.

_No woman would even pay attention to me. _

**Sean: **Another victim of the women's network.

**Bret: **What?

**Sean: **The women's network. (to Bret) You've never heard of the women's network before? (Bret shakes his head) It's the network that is centered by one woman. When a man hurts her, she spreads the word to every woman in her network, which sometimes I swear includes all the woman in the immediate area, that that man is no good.

**Bret: **(remembering how Julie's girlfriends would treat him after one of his many arguments with her) Um…that would explain a few things.

**Hunter: **The truth comes out.

**Bret: **I never said I was without faults.

_So I always had to come back home…where I was alone…and that was the hardest thang for me to do._

**Bret: **Besides speaking proper English.

_But once my brain uncurled,_

**Shawn: **It shouldn't have been physically possible for your brain to curl in the first place.

_I did get to thinkin._

**Hunter: **He has enough brain cells left to think?

_I remembered that I was an inventin type feller._

**Bret: **(as the author) And right now I'm inventin a new way to write the English language.

_So I tip-toed down into my celler_

**Shawn: **(as the author) Because like my life, my cellar stairs were fallin apart and I was afraid that if I put all my weight down on the steps, they would break and I'd fall through.

_and down in there, I built myself _

**Hunter: **(as the author) Something that would end my miserable life. (as himself) Which had he done so, it would have saved us from having to read this crap.

_a mechanical girl._

**Shawn: **(to the screen) Of course you did. (to the others) This guy needs serious help.

_I'll tell exactly how I built er and what she's like._

**Sean: **We don't care.

**Hunter: **I would think you'd be interested in this Kid.

**Sean: **Hunter, never, no matter how much I missed Terri, would I ever build a mechanical girl to please me.

**Shawn: **Yeah Hunter...he'd just reprogram Serpentina.

**Sean: **Shawn!

**Shawn: **(realizing what he said) Oh God…I'm sorry Kid.

**Hunter: **Was that a DX reflex, Shawn?

**Shawn: **Absolutely not.

_She was so fine. I'd built her head out of aluminum that I'd curled and welded into shape. I gave her eyes, but no eyelids. I wanted her to always stay awake and to keep her eyes only on me._

**Sean: **Someone's insecure.

_For her neck, I used a big old thick bedspring. To this spring, I connected a chain of smaller springs to create her spine. _

**Shawn: **(as the author) And now my bed sinks and doesn't bounce back.

_To that coiled backbone, I welded on arms. I'd built each of her arms out of two pieces of iron, which I joined together with a door hinge, which served as the elbow joint. At the ends of each arm, I then welded on iron hands_

**Hunter: **All I can think of is that he would get an awful irony taste in his mouth when he kissed those arms.

**Sean: **All I can think of is how cold her hands would be when she touched him.

_Then, I moved onto her hips._

**Hunter: **Wait, what about her...

**Shawn: **What about her what?

**Hunter: **Her…(puts his hands on his chest) you know…I thought that's what made a woman a woman.

**Shawn: **Guess he's not a breast man. Not all men are, Hunter.

_I made her hips out of aluminum. The hips were connected together by a wire, which I had threaded through the last coil of the end of her spine. They really swiveled. _

**Bret: **I guess he does have a job because he's paying for his building materials.

**Sean: **Or he's stealing them.

_When it came time to make her legs,_ _I originly wanted to build them out of iron. Unfortunately, I run out of iron and coulden't find anymore, _

**Bret: **'Originly'…'I run out'…He's just butcherin the English language.

**Sean: **(to Bret) Butcherin?

**Bret: **(cringes) His dialect is contagious.

_so I ended up buildin her legs out of steel. I took two pieces of steel and joined them together with a door hinge, which served as the knee joint._

**Shawn: **Of course now one of the doors in his house is hanging by only one hinge.

_I welded these legs to her aluminum hips. To the end of her legs, I attached two big wheels, which would make her come and go faster wherever I wanted her to come and go to._

**Shawn: **What he didn't think of is how much damage she would cause to his house when she couldn't stop herself.

_I was in love with her the moment that I'd finished buildin her._

**Sean: **He hasn't said anything about a power source. How is she going to be move?

**Hunter:** Maybe he's just going to use her like a person uses a plastic blow up doll.

**Sean: **(disgusted) Eww.

_And when she moved, _

**Sean: **(irritated by the lack of explanation on how) She shouldn't be able to move.

_it darn near broke my heart._

**Hunter: **It darn near did, but unfortunately, it didn't.

_I knew that she'd be my ever loving machine._

_She was always right there when I needed her. When I came home from work, she always met me at the door and wrapped her arms around me._

**Shawn: **(as the author) And almost squeezed the life out of me.

**Hunter: **If only she'd squeezed harder.

_Then, she'd brung me to my favorite chair and fetched my slippers and the newspaper._

**Sean: **Did he build a woman or a dog?

**Bret: **In his mind, they are possibly one and the same.

**Shawn: **That's just wrong on so many levels.

_After I was relaxed, she brung me my dinner, which was always warm. Even when I was late comin home, it was warm because she just kept on reheatnin it._

**Hunter: **Something tells me that he's late a lot and that it isn't because he's taking grammar lessons.

**Bret: **And one day, he comes home to find that his house has burned down.

_And of course, she was easy to please._

**Sean:** (as the author) I just have to throw a ball around for her. Keeps her entertained for hours.

_I just had to remember to feed her._

**Shawn: **(as the author) Of course, I forgot to do so a few times.

**Sean: **I wonder if there's such a thing as machine abuse.

**Shawn: **After this, there should be.

_It hardly cost me nothin to feed her._

**Bret: **(as the author) Which is good because I finely lost my job.

_Just some water and oil and grease._

**Shawn: **And on the days that he forgets to feed her, she becomes like the Tinman from the Wizard Of Oz.

_And whenever I wanted her to please me or cuddle me up tight_

**All: **(disgusted) Eww…

_I'd just reach out and turn on er switch._

**Sean: **What switch?

**Hunter: **The one marked 'sex slave'.

_And she never complained that I weren't rich or that I diden't buy her expensive gifts._

**Hunter: **(thinking about Stephanie) She's not really a woman then.

_She coulden't complain. I didn't give her a mouth or a voice._

**Shawn: **I can see why he never told anybody about this stuff. If a women's lib group ever read this story, they'd go to his home and hang him.

**Bret: **I'm even surprised Marie would send this story. She seems like such a liberated woman to me.

_Nor did she mind when I stayed out all night. The reason bein that I did not give her a mind._

**Shawn: **Can't give what you don't have to begin with.

_The only inner organ I gave er was a heart, which was actully a clock that I'd wind up, so that I knew that she'd love me in time._

**Sean: **How do you expect her to love you in time if you don't give her any of your time?

**Bret: **For the last few moments, I've been wondering why he's been writing in past tense. And now, I realize why.

**Shawn: **(to Bret) You don't think…

_We went on this way for about three months. During that time, she always did what she was sposed to._

**All: **But…

_Right up til last evenin and then…_

_When I came home, I found that she'd had an affair with my toaster, which she'd programmed to never leave her._

**Sean: **Their love would burn on forever.

_And together, they run off and upped and left me alone agin._

**Sean: **What did you expect?

**Shawn: **It's what you deserve.

_And now here I am…all alone. _

**Hunter: **Not all alone. I'm sure he has a bottle to comfort him.

**Bret: **If he can even afford her anymore.

_I miss my ever lovin machine, but I'm done bein an inventin type feller. _

_I'm just done._

_The End_

**Shawn: **And now...(drawing out the word, he sang) Dear…

**All: **(singing to the tune of My Bonnie Went Over The Ocean) Dear Bobby went into the ocean/ Dear Bobby went into the sea/ Dear Bobby went into the ocean/ Dear Bobby is now a drownee.

**Bret: **Nothing like a group sing-along to bring us back together.

**Hunter: **Sort of.

**Shawn: **(not wanting to reply to Hunter) Let's get out of here.

Our heroes left their seats and headed up the aisle. They exited the theater.

End of Chapter 3

Hope you enjoyed this.

I was inspired to write this because a few weeks ago, my dad purchased Bobby Bare's CD titled Lullabyes, Legends and Lies, which was from 1973. He and I used to own it as a record when I was little, but our record player broke, so we couldn't play it anymore. So I was thrilled when my dad bought the CD.

Anyway, on this CD, are thirteen songs that are based on adult poetry written by Shel Silverstein. It's really funny and one of those songs on it was 'She's My Ever Loving Machine'. So I just based our heroes' post on those lyrics.

Thanks for reading.


	5. Ch 4: Conclusion

Time: The den on the Satellite Of Degenerates. Earth date: July 27, 2007.

Our heroes entered the den…

And found Serpentina and Snakoid on the couch. They sat close together. It almost looked like if Snakoid had arms, that he'd have one of them around Serpentina.

**Sean: **It looks like you two are getting on well together.

Serpentina just looked at Snakoid. She seemed to have love in her eye.

**Hunter: **Great, just what we need, robots in love.

**Sean: **They're not robots; they're androids.

**Hunter:** What's the difference? 

**Sean: **Robots are much less sophisticated. They're more like mindless machines that can only do what's been programmed into them. They can't improve themselves.

**Shawn: **So was that machine from the post a robot or an android?

**Sean: **I thought she was a robot at first because she couldn't improve past her programming, but at the end I changed my mind. Leaving that guy Bobby was the biggest improvement she could ever make.

**Hunter: **Okay…so what do we do with two lovey dovey androids?

**Sean: **We treat them like the advanced beings they are. They're part of the ship, as are we. They live here too.

**Bret: **I guess we could give them that fifth room. Unless anyone objects. (no one does, to the androids) Would you like that?

Snakoid and Serpentina look away from Bret and look at each other. After a moment, they look back at Bret and nod.

**Hunter:** Wonderful. I'd better not hear banging around in there.

**Shawn: **Hunter! That's rude.

**Hunter: **I just don't want to hear anything. Is that too much to ask?

**Shawn: **You didn't have to say it the way you did. It's actually nice to know that someone on this satellite can be happy.

**Vince: **(appearing on the tv screen) Did I hear that someone was happy?

**Bret: **Don't worry Vince. None of the living things are happy.

**Vince: **(eyeing the androids) I'm not even sure that I want the nonliving things to be happy.

**Sean: **Haven't you done enough by breaking DX up?

**Vince: **Uh…no, and I take it that Shawn and Hunter are still experiencing difficulties?

**Hunter: **(under his breath) As if you didn't know.

**Vince: **What was that, Hunter?

**Hunter: **(quick to answer) Nothing.

**Shawn: **(frustrated with Hunter) Can I just go?

**Vince: **Go where?

**Shawn: **To my room.

**Bret: **Yeah, go on. (Shawn looked at him) Let me know if you need anything.

**Shawn: **Thanks. (leaves the den)

**Vince: **You shouldn't have dismissed him Bret.

**Bret: **He just needs to be alone.

**Hunter: **Bret, how do I correct this?

**Bret: **(surprised by the question) How…I don't really know, Hunter. Shawn's really hurting.

**Hunter: **I know…and I'm sorry.

**Vince: **Oh please, look on the bright side Hunter, you have your wife and kid.

**Hunter: **But I also want my best friend.

**Sean: **All you can do Hunter is give Shawn space. Let him come back to you.

**Hunter: **Coming from you, that's very mature.

**Sean: **And when he comes back, get down on your knees and beg for forgiveness.

**Hunter: **I retract my last statement.

**Bret: **I think this is a good time to say good bye. (to the camera's) Goodbye y'all. (realized what he said, the others were looking at him funny, obviously the fan fic had affected him more than he'd thought) Oh God…

End of Story

I enjoy being able to write, when possible, certain things that happen in WWE for real. So I had Hunter make the deal so that he, as he does for real, returns at Summerslam.

Later.


End file.
